| and it kills me knowing that you're torn inside, but I tried, to offer something more but all I got is my love, and i've come to realize that sometimes, its just not enough.
<3Kaje
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| I was once under the influence of something that shall not be named, and my thoughts seemed to wander, never focusing on any one thing. Finally a thought crossed my mind and it was an interesting concept that I personally never thought of before, (though others probably have). Here's what it was like:
Edit// This is not meant to be religious. I don't mean angels in a sense of religion. Again its the concept of an inner spirit guiding us to where we are, rather than a higher being who belongs to a God. If anything, this angel wouldn't belong to a christian or catholic background, ideally, it would be agnostic. and... Please don't preach to me.//
When we die, we all become angels (or the concept of one and in this case, angels can be evil or good or inbetween, but i'll still refer to it as angels in this post). All of us, there is no heaven or hell, but we become angels, watching over others. The test of the angel is what we achieve and who we become on earth. Not our status in society, but who we are on the inside.
There are so many people in this world who cannot see a difference between need and want, there are people who take life for granted, there are people who are genuinely nice, there are people who have suffered. All in all there are all types of people and they are a creation of their angels, until they become somebody else's. When we are born into the world, each person has an angel watching over them, and as they grow older, it depends on the angel to guide his or her spirit through life.
The concept of this angel is almost like the concept of a mother, though not in physical form. The angel's test on earth was to understand the basic needs of the human spirit, and now as an angel, s/he feeds the spirit. I'm saying that in my case, angels are not always good, though they can be:
--For instance, a starving child from Africa dies. Now I'm going to take 2 extremes of this case (case 1 and case 2) and illustrate.
-Case 1:
The child dies and as an angel makes sure that the spirit is well guided into a life without starvation, with loving friends ect. The human ends up leading at least a decent life.
-Case 2:
The child dies and as an angel feels that because he suffered so much, that others should too. He takes revenge on his spirit, but sucking the living soul out of him, making him depressed, or emotionally unstable, or unsettled, ect.
--But these are just extremes, there are of course angels who lived regular lives and with just a very average mindset.
So with this Angel concept, I kind of thought what kind of angel was watching over me, and what kind of life s/he lived previously. Additionally, I wondered what kind of angel I would like to be.
I'm pretty sure I left a lot of loop holes and ways around logic or whatever. Maybe its not coherent, it's not meant to be. I was no sober at the time of thinking and writing ideas down. I just wanted to share an idea that did come that I did manage to write about.
<3Kaje
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